what is wrong with me? these past 3 days are awful. everything in my life is wonderful, with my friends, and i have a guy who treats me great, whos not clingy, is fun to be around and makes me happy basically all the time, i have a lot of people to hang with and this is the closest im going to get to being content with my looks and body. half of my brain wants to accept the fact that everythings good, so i should feel good. but i just feel like im dying inside still. i drive myself crazy counting calories and either not eating or throwing up. and then i feel guilty and want to go back to my cutting routine, but when i cut it really upsets a few people and i hate that. it cant just be okay in my head ever. its like theres a giant in my head that wants to crush any happiness i get close to. like im not meant to be happy or something. :/ i wish i could disappear for a while.
